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WWF/E Summerslam - August 2002 Predictions

Well - it's that time of month for me to unleash my PPV Predictions. You'll have to excuse my bitterness because (1) the possible outcome of the World Title Match and (2) I won't get to watch Summerslam b/c the WWF/E is suspending webcasts until Survivor Series.

Anyhow, on with the predictions, brought to you with Kawshen's Krazy Nicknames.

(SD) Edge Has Nothing Else Better To Do
You Think You Know Me v. Uncle Eddie

(Last Year: Edge took the IC Title from Lance Storm. Eddie was fired.)

OK, so this match was just created like 2 hours ago - but hey. The story here is simply that Eddie is jealous of Edge being so popular and that Edge has so many teeth. I wouldn't be surprised if this is the opening match - but you can bet that it'll be fast-paced and awesome. Edge is good and carryable and Eddie is awesome. I'm just hoping if they do the brainbuster spot Eddie doesn't spaz like he almost did on SD. I'm going with Edge here since he needs the win a lot more than Eddie does.

Winner: Edge

(Raw) Old American Badass Devil Versus Young Canadian Bucktoothed Rabbit
You Tee vs. Brew's Bunny

(Last Year: UT and Kane squashed DDP and Chris Kanyon to unify the WWF and WCW Tag Titles. Test teamed with the Dudleys and beat Spike and the Acolytes. He also tabled Spike.)

I'll try to refrain from making "rabbit" jokes about Test since a certain grizzly wouldn't be too pleased. UT is now a full-fledged face again after dancing on the tweener fence since winning the Unified World Title and he put over Test on Raw. What I like about this match is that these are two big guys who can go in turbo mode so I expect something fast-paced here. UT will no-sell but hopefully he won't no-sell Test's cooler moves. I'm hoping Test breaks out the Whitby Whiplash (© Brew) or the "Test Drive" for the casual fans and UT breaks out the Dragon Sleeper again. As for who wins, I hope Test wins but I don't see UT jobbing to Test twice in a row.

Winner: Undertaker.

(Raw) Living Legend vs. Living Legend
"Nature Boy" Ric Flair (wooo!) vs. The King of the World and Unifier of World Titles

(Last Year: Ric Flair was sitting at home. Chris Jericho made Rhyno tap and blew a couple spots - one of which gave him a concussion.)

I'm guessing this is the "blowoff" of their feud since when Jericho unified the WWF and WCW World Titles. Obviously it was put on hold when the split happened but it has since restarted. Flair is 53 and can still go. The man took a superplex from 6'10" UT for goodness sakes. Jericho is known to be sloppy at times but hopefully this match will be smooth. Flair will brings the chop, lowblow and whatever have you. Jericho will bring the loud tights, more chops and his speed. Since Flair is on his farewell tour and since Jericho hasn't won a PPV since No Way Out - I'm looking for Jericho to win here. I hope it's clean - but I doubt it. Will Chris Jericho be a main eventer ever again? Will Chris Jericho ever regain the Unified World Championship? Will Chris Jericho's personal hygiene be questioned by Y-Pac? :)

Winner: Chris Jericho.

(SD) Your Olympic Hero v. A Freakin' 12 Year Old
All Year Angle vs. R.E.Y. Mysterio, here we go

(LAST YEAR: Angle was a face [and would remain so only for another 6 weeks] and was screwed out the WWF World Title against the awesome HEEL AUSTIN in a DQ win. Rey was in CMLL or something, I think. Assistance here, please.)

Angle is awesome. Rey is awesome. So this match should be awesome. I think Angle proved on SD that he can make the cruisers look good also - so the contrast of styles thing has been put to rest. Angle will toss Rey here. Angle will toss Rey there. Rey will fly here and Rey will fly there. This match should be great just for the sheer novelty of Kurt being the "dominant big guy". Know what would be cool? If Angle countered the 619 or the West Coast Pop into the Anklelock. Either way, Angle needs to win here but it wouldn't surprise me if Rey wins since it's his first PPV. I read rumors of a Kane run-in here but I won't entertain that right now. Rey's tapping here. Remember when Rey pinned Kevin Nash and Bam Bam Bigelow in WCW?

Winner: Kurt Angle.

(Raw) Tag Team Championship: How Over Will Booker T Be?
The Canadian Horsemen (Edge's Li'l Bro & Stoneface) [c] v. The Gold and Black Attack

(Last Year: Christian and Storm were involved in the opening IC Title match. Christian accidentally speared Edge - which led to the E&C Breakup in TO. Storm would still lose his IC Title to Edge. Booker T jobbed the WCW World Title for the last time in a cool match against the Rock b/c he needed to consult his hand and do the Spinaroonie. Goldust was... somewhere. I dunno.) This one is a toughie. Interesting fact: 20 Tag Team Championship Reigns between Booker (11 WCW + 1 WWF/E) and Christian (8 WWF/E) ALONE. OK, I'm still not cool with the UnAmericans - the name OR the gimmick - but at least it's getting Lance Storm over finally. And of course, Booker is the #2 face on Raw (behind RVD) and he and Goldust are just comedic gold and it has rejuvenated Goldust while making Booker a top face. Lance and Christian wants to retain the Tag Titles and beat Americans - while Booker and Goldust are looking for revenge against said UnAmericans. I think they're about to give Booker one last run at the top before he hangs it up (he is 37 after all) so he doesn't need to win. Plus the tag titles should stay where they are since I have Test losing to UT and Lance/Christian need the titles more. Hopefully, it'll be Goldust that jobs here or Booker via outside interference. But I'm going to stick with those two Canadian Horsemen to retain.

Winner: Christian and Lance Storm retain the Tag Team Titles.

(Raw v. SD) Intercontinental Championship: The Canadian Crippler v. The Michigan Potpuffer
The Smark Deity [c] vs. Points. To. Self. (dude!)

(Last Year: Benoit was on the shelf with the broken neck. RVD was the lone face in the Alliance - was in a cool ladder match with Jeff Hardy for the Hardcore Title.)

Technically, Benoit is also the European Champion also since that belt was absorbed by IC Belt. The story here is that Benoit jumps to SD with the IC Belt he beat RVD for. Steph got hold of RVD's rematch papers but they're eventually returned to Bischoff. So we have another Raw v. SD match. For some morbid reason, I see Bischoff and Steph getting involved and I sincerely hope not. Either way, Benoit's toothless aggression and bumping versus RVD's spots and bumping will make for a cool match. Give these two 20 minutes. :) But, considering that SD has no other singles titles besides the CruiserBelt - I highly doubt Benoit's losing the title. But you better believe RVD will look like a million bucks afterwards. RVD loses here but I figure he'll move on to bigger things.

Winner: Chris Benoit retains the Intercontinental Title.

(Raw) Not A Wrestling Match. A FIGHT~!
Hunter Hearst-Helmsley (The Game-uh) vs. The Icon, Showstoppa and Main Event (but with a broken back)

(Last Year: HHH was still rehabbing the torn quad. Shawn was retired.)

I hate the WWF/E for shutting down the webcasts till November. Because I was so looking forward to this match. HHH has moved to Raw and is a heel again b/c he used the same reason Chris Jericho did when Jericho made his heel turn official. "Fans made me weak." Anyhow, HHH wants Shawn to be his manager b/c Shawn is washed-up. It's been 52 months since Shawn jobbed the WWF World Title to Steve Austin in his (second to) last match. I have this morbid feeling that this match will resemble the EuroTitle match between the 2. But at least HHH can say he took a title from Shawn. :) Either way, I don't see this one lasting too long and I'm really concerned for Shawn but we'll see. I think this one depends on how healthy HHH is more than anything else. HHH is probably going to win this one since it wouldn't really make sense for him to lose to some broken down has-been. Oh, wait, he already has. *cough*Hogan*cough*

Winner: Hunter Hearst-Helmsley.

(SD) Unified World Championship: Brock Lesnar Should Not Be Here
Hollywood Dwayne Johnson [c] v. The Next Big Charlie Brown

(Last Year: Rock won the WCW World Title from Booker T in the last match. Brock Lesnar was in OVW teaming with Shelton Benjamin as the Minnesota Stretching Crew.)

OK, it's no secret that I'm 100% against Brock Lesnar being in this spot being in the Fed only 5 months - so I'll keep my whining to a minimum here. Brock has been Browser Refreshing fatass and old guys, rolling his upper body muscles, dancing around and smiling. I have to admit that I do like Brock Lesnar. His offense is good and can get better and the man can sell (though he oversells for a "monster"). But I still do not like the "Rocky Maivia" push he's been receiving. Until he killed Hogan, the fans were REALLY apathetic towards him even with Paul as his mouthpiece. Anyhow, a number of possibilities can come from this - but they all revolve around Brock KILLING Rock and injuring him somehow. I'm hoping this match goes at least 20 minutes just to see if Brock can go that long. His physique and age says he can but we'll see. Messenoir aka Chretien's Boobies are Cool gave the notion that Rock will beat Brock, Brock injures Rock to the point where Rock would vacate the title and there would be a tournament to determine a new champion. THAT I like. But I don't make outlandish prediction since I (naively) predict as if they're straight-up matches. Since Rock is leaving for Hollywood again soon and Brock's still in his Goldberg push. Everyone expects Brock to win the title here. I wouldn't be surprised if it happens either. But I'll predict the outcome that I want because Brock is NOT ready nor is he the answer to the questionable WWF/E main event scene after being in the feds not even a half-year yet. Plus, I could go for a tournament. Too much, too soon for Lesnar - so I'll say Rock retains but Brock will kill him whether he does or not.

Winner: The Rock retains. (I hope. :))

The Milk Carton (who/WHAT? is missing)
~ Jamie Noble and the Cruiserweight Title. This was a boneheaded move. They had a Kidman/Noble rematch set up but they decide not to have a Cruiser match on their #2 PPV. Not smart.
~ Molly Holly and the Women's Title. Then again, no one cares about women's wrestling. Bischoff said so.
~ Tommy Dreamer and the Hardcore Title. The 24/7 thing is finally dead but it happened too late. Maybe they'll add a quick *ahem* three-minute Tommy v. Stevie Richards match. :)
~ Both Hardys. Jeff... is a freak. Matt (version 1)... needs decaf.
~ All Three Dudleys. I guess we might get Buh-Buh Ray v. the Big Show or something, I don't know. Spike is Buh-Buh's puppy and D-Von is Batista's bitch at the moment.

That's about it. Here are those predictions again.

Edge, UT, Jericho, Angle, Christian/Lance, Benoit, HHH, Rock.

So there you go.