WWF/E SmackDown! - August 15, 2002

SD emanates from Seattle again like Raw.

We start with Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar wearing and tearing the Hulkamania T-shirt.
~ Of course, we get Paul (who can put over a bottle tab) put over Brock like crazy touching on him "ending Hogan's career".
~ Back to last week with the Browser Refresh, the Next Big Bearhug and the Next Big Chairshot.
~ Showing Hogan struggling to his feet after the beating = pretty cool. Heyman is doing such an awesome job putting over Hogan here also.
~ "Who caused this destruction? Brock Lesnar." And Brock points to self as if to say (to steal Brew's phrase): "Me! ME! MEMEMEMEMEMEME!"
~ Sign: "Hey Beer Man!" Heh.
~ Brock is apparently a Warrior of Ultimate proportions. Nah. :)
~ Sign: "The Only Big Thing, The Rock" I tend to agree with that, personally. Brock basically paraphrases Heyman in one swift sentence spiced with a little roid rage.
~ And here's Rikishi in his Phat(Ass) Wear. Heyman demands Rikishi halt his progress and he just ignores till he rips away the mic. Tonight in (singing) Seattle - Rikishi threatens to use his ass. They come to blows - clothesline over the top - Heyman nearly gets the Stinkface - Brock pulls him away and says Rikishi's dead about 7 times. Well - this segment did what it was supposed to do.

Super 3 Count and Hardcore (w/o Pornography) v. AGD and their AG Stylist
~ Quick note. I read on Rajah that Val had a freak accident of sorts recently so he probably won't be (inexplicably) tagging with Holly for a while.
~ Shannon Moore looks like a mini-Christian. You know - just make him a superhero and get it over with.
~ We go back to Holly giving Rico a little trim on Velocity.
~ Sign: "Rico was a contender!" With an American Gladiator-esque Design. Cool sign. :)
~ The ref seems to be wearing a "SmackDown! Blue" Shirt. I guess we'll be seeing the Raw Red zebras on the other show.
~ Holly with a Gas Mask into a overhead belly-to-belly on Rico. Cool. As usual - Tazz called the move first.
~ Rico busted out with some cool kicks on Moore there. That third one was especially cool.
~ Moore Backslide into a Top Rope Hurri-Leg Drop = Sweet. :)
~ Hurri-Chokeslam attempt on Palumbo. No sir. But gets a Hurricane Rana and a Shining Wizard.
~ This match is really cool so far.
~ Crowd: "Rico sucks!" Kawshen: "I'm sure he does."
~ Sign: "I'm Here You're Not!" heh.
~ Eye of the Hurricane ("Nightmare on Helms Street" for you WCW die-hards) on Gunn. Haven't seen that move in a long while.
~ Moore Rana blocked, Palumbo distracts the blue zebra, One & Only by Gunn. Bye Shannon.
~ Beatdown on Moore but Holly and Hurricane clears the ring... and in runs in Matt Hardy (VERSION 1) to... "be fired up". He hugs Hurricane and Moore. Matt, 2 questions. (1) didn't Hurricane take the Euro Title from you last year and (2) aren't you a HEEL now?

Steph scolds Dawn Marie b/c RVD rematch papers were inside and stuff. She is dangerously regressing back to her whiny, screechy heel character and I don't like it one bit. Go fetch her Benoit, Dawn.

During the break, Matt puts himself over while Holly, Hurricane and Moore (and everyone else) what the HELL he's babbling about.

The Smark Deity himself, Chris Benoit, is here to see Steph. Make RVD tap, Chris. Benoit gets Rock in singles competition tonight. Benoit trembles with intensity on how he'll make Rock moan, whimper and squeal while Steph clenches her fists in excitement. DIS-TUR-BING. Twenty bucks says the Crippler boinks Steph before the year's over. :)

My favorite naive tool, Marc Loyd, is with Kurt Angle.
~ Twelve-year-old Rey stopped mowing lawns and wears kookie mask and is a cheater. Rey's here now.
~ LINE OF THE FRIGGIN' NIGHT: "Sorry, son. You must be this high to talk to Kurt Angle. Maybe next year." L. M. A. O. :)
~ Rey's surprised his win didn't count so he wants Kurt at Summerslam so it can. Kurt chuckles and realizes he's not joking.
~ "You want to take me on at Summerslam? In what? Dwarf tossing?" No, Kurt - I think Kevin Nash won a gold medal in that event several years ago.
~ Rey wants to shut Kurt up for good. Kurt can't stand little men with attitudes. "La freakin' cucarracha - you're on pal! You just let Dorothy, the Tin Man and all the Munchkins know that your butt is mine, little man!"
~ Oops, Mark Henry's here querying on who Angle is calling a little man, "little man."
~ "World Strongest Man, huh? What was that for? Weight lifting (sniff, sniff) or body odor?" HA! Challenge has been made so follow the yellow brick road, little man.
~ Heh. Angle can even carry people to great interviews. You can have AwesomeTaker. It's all about AwesomeAngle. :)

All Year Angle (w/ "You Suck" Singalong) v. Mark Henry (who can lift stuff)
~ Sign: "Angle Doesn't Suck!" Sign: "I go to Kurt's Barber!"
~ Lockup - no - lockup - no - headlock - shoulderblock. Your basic Face Powerhouse v. Heel technician match.
~ The sick bodysplash through the ropes onto Kurt but Henry seems to hurt his ankle. Mark Henry using psych? Uh-oh.
~ Angle is now attacking the leg. "Woo! Who's the man now?"
~ After some chopblocks - a leg lace by Angle. Another move I haven't seen in a while.
~ Anklelock locked in - but Henry powers out. Using his "bad" leg. Second anklelock attempts makes him tap.
~ Here's Rey to jump Kurt. Rana and a 619. NOTICEABLY EDITED. Kurt was busted open (hardway?) somehow.

Eric Bischoff shilling for Subway AND Raw. That's quite a good number of sammiches you have there, Eric. On the Jared Fogle diet? :)

The Next Big Charlie Brown v. Rikishi (w/ his ass)
~ Brock sure likes to dance and smile, does he?
~ Fireman's Carry by Brock and he... you guessed it... smiles. And dances again.
~ Off the ropes - shoulderblock by Brock - nothing. Run THOSE ropes. Luckily Rikishi saw the Mark Henry match and ducked the suprise lariat to give one of his own. Nice sequence.
~ Shoulder into the ringpost. Lesnar works on the arm with a couple of rinpost shots and a Fujiwara armbar. Rikishi gets to the ropes.
~ Rikishi comes back - still selling the damage to the arm. NICE. Say what you will about Rikishi, he can SELL his opponents' offense.
~ Overhead belly to belly on Rikishi = Cool.
~ And onto the Next Big Bearhug which "killed" Hogan. Rikishi fights out. including a SLOPPY Samoan Drop.
~ Heyman jumps in and he gets the Stinkface (while Heyman screams like a woman) - leading to the Browser Refresh. Thanks for playing, Rikishi. Heyman is heaving at the moment.
~ No, I still do not want him anywhere near the Unified World Title at this point - but that's my opinion. I am starting to like Brock a little though.

The Summerslam/Rock promo = AWESOME.

Well - here's a total Summerslam run-down which is awesome visually. That Pedigree is still ugly as all hell.

Funaki is trying to interview Nidia. So, of course, Nidia just becomes herself and becomes a freak. Meanwhile, D-Von flies out of a nearby room with Batista following saying that's his respect. Note that Batista also has a disgustingly copious amount of veins popping out of his right shoulder area. Looks like a road map.

Torrie Wilson (w/ Billy Kidman) v. Nidia (Ew.) with Jamie Noble, boy!
~ Commercial break. I actually don't mind it here.
~ Cole is absolutely repulsed by Nidia. I'd agree with him except he probably loved the way she molested him earlier.
~ Not much here except Noble clotheslines Torrie allowing Nidia to pin.
~ Uh-oh. Another tease for Kane. I guess we'll see him at Summerslam.

Eddie and Chavo together again. :)
Chavo lost his accent. Eddie tells his whole family to watch. Eddie is jealous of Edge being "the cool guy" and that Edge has more teeth. Eddie bust out his Latino Heat Rudo Grin. Match is next.

You Think You Know Me and R.E.Y. Mysterio Here We Go v. Uncle Eddie and Nephew Chavo
~ Sign: "Eddie Guerrero washes my dishes." DAMN.
~ Tonight, Edge plays the role of the gigantic skinny white guy.
~ Chavo gets in Edge's face to start (still w/o the accent) explaining to Edge not to mess with "mi familia". Edge seems to be Angry Edge tonight.
~ Eddie as usual is in Turbo Mode tonight. :)
~ Eddie distracts the blue zebra and Chavo is channeling Mr. Bob Backlund with a Crossface Chickenwing through the ropes on Edge. I admit - that move as goofy as it may looks is somewhat of a guilty pleasure.
~ Ew. Ugly flapjack by Edge there. Tag to Rey! REY v. EDDIE AGAIN!!! REY v. EDDIE AGAIN!!! (ahem) Sorry.
~ Cole: "Dynamite comes in small packages!" 0.2 Cole. Well, he hasn't been so stupid tonight so far.
~ Rey with the Ten Punch Countalong on Eddie. Chavo clubs Rey allowing Eddie give Rey a running powerbomb.
~ Slingshot splash by Chavo onto Rey's back = cool.
~ Woo-hoo! Chavo busted out the European Uppercut! Tazz unfortunately blew the call. "Bolo like forearm."
~ The Guerreros are working on the back tonight. Chavo back suplex into Eddie's awesome slingshot senton.
~ Pumphandle backbreaker by Eddie. Whoa. Eddie and Chavo are showing off moves I haven't seen in a long while tonight. :)
~ Cole for the 17th time in this match mentions how Eddie and Chavo were wrestling each other since they were "Five and three respectively."
~ Rey counters a powerbomb into a rana and hot-tags out to Edge, who does the hottag to the babyface routine by beating up both Guerreros.
~ Sign: "The Rock fears Gangrel."
~ Spear to Chavo in the corner and Chavo sold that excellently.
~ He misses Eddie with the same move and gets hit with a Brainbuster. Eddie had some trouble keeping Edge up though.
~ Eddie going for the Frog Splash but Rey knocks him off the top.
~ Rey 619s Chavo. West Coast Pop? Nope. Here's Kurt to grab his leg, drop him on the floor and Ankelock him. Cole actually called him "Rey Rey."
~ Edge saves Rey but here's Eddie to stop him. Edge reverses the whip and spears Eddie into the steel barricade.
~ Angle recovers, DROPS THE SINGLET STRAPS, and puts the Anklelock back on. Chavo decides to dropkick Rey's head also. Edge makes the save again.
~ Angle is still busied open.

Mark Loyd is about ready to be abused by... I mean, interview Rock. But we take a look back at the SD Australia Tour.
~ We see footage of Rock tapping to Benoit.
~ "Whoa!" x 15. Rock doesn't know what squeal means. Rock asks Loyd to bend over backwards to explain what squeal is. Loyd bends over in the uh... "catcher" position - ass facing the Rock. Thanks for playing, Mark. Tool. :)
~ Rock grimaces and promises Benoit he won't tap twice. And asks Brock to just bring it in German, Chinese and English. Just Bring It, Bitch. Meanwhile, Brock pops up in a doorway nearby.

NON-TITLE: Hollywood Dwayne Johnson (Unified World Champion) v. The Smark Deity (Intercontinental Champion)
~ Bigass banner shilling Rock/HHH on Raw with Bischoff's picture on it. I like how the GM angle is going making it seem that Raw and SD truly ARE opposing shows... albeit in the same company.
~ Sign: "Toothless Aggression" Damn right. :) Another sign: "Stop Drooling." HA! :)
~ Cole: "Benoit is not as explosive as the Rock." What? 0.4 Cole.
~ Rock and Benoit in a neato wrestling sequence culminating in Rock clotheslining Benoit.
~ Benoit nails Rock with his high back suplex.
~ Tazz acknowledges that Benoit was in fact a former WCW World Champion.
~ Triple sequence: Benoit chops, Rock sells, utters an expletive, walks to the next corner. Reptitive but still cool.
~ There's the belly to belly su... uh... THROW by Rock. ;)
~ Benoit with five German suplexes with the bridge on the last one. Benoit is so awesome. :)
~ Benoit is working on the arm. Cole: "Look at the face of PAIN on the Rock."
~ Rock with the DDT but sells the arm injury. Good work.
~ Three chops and a DDT from Benoit to Rock.
~ Benoit with the Flying Headbutt. Always awesome. Good work by Cole and Tazz explaining why Benoit was apprehensive to use it b/c of his broken neck.
~ Scorpion King Deathlock for Benoit. Credit Benoit for at least trying to sell what looks like a VERY WEAK Sharpshooter.
~ Benoit elbows Rock down but Rock nips up and spinbuster to Benoit.
~ And here's Brock. Rock goes for the People's Elbow but runs out to meet Brock. Long enough for Benoit to nail Rock. And Brock, of course, smiles.
~ Back in the ring, Crossface for Rock and we get a repeat of the end sequence from 2 weeks ago. But Rock gets to the ropes this time. Brock's not smiling anymore.
~ Rock reverses a whip and Rokbottom for Benoit. Bye, Chris. Not a very good ending to a very good match.
~ Rock and Brock continue to staredown. Brock wants the belt. I sure as hell hope he doesn't get it. End Show.

This show was pretty cool otherwise. Set up a lot of Summerslam matches. Rey Misterio v. Kurt Angle is official now and I assume we may get Hurricane/Shannon Moore v. AGD, Jamie Noble defending the CruiserBelt against Billy Kidman and of course Eddie v. Edge. Watch out for my Summerslam Predictions next weekend.

So, there you go.